Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Dear Selina

Dear Selina,

I decided to write you a 5 1/2 letter because you were really excited to turn 5 and a half! Why wait till six when I can tell you how special you are now  :)

You are almost 3 months into kindergarten. It's finally has become normal routine and you have made several friends at school. You really like Mrs. Faro and write her nice notes.

On the way to school in the morning you always tell me you have 'nervous tummy'. One day those nerves will go away and then they start right back up again when you go to grade 1.
One of my favorite parts of the day is when I am picking you up after school and I see you skip from the gym doors to your assigned pick-up line. You are so cute and so little still! You wave to your other little kindergarten friends and then give me a big smile when you see our car pull up.
When we get home I can tell you are really tired from a long day at school and I feel like I have to tip toe around your emotions so not to set off  a sleepy-induced fit. More than anything, you just want to have my attention and a little bit of quietness when you get home. I'm so glad you need cuddles still. Those times are becoming fewer and fewer.
I like the stories you tell me about school. One of your favorite things is being the Line Leader. You tell me, "A line is when everyone lines up behind each other. Our line is crunchy though." I've seen their line, it really is "crunchy".

Last weekend and the weekend before we went to a local roller rink to try out roller skating. This is one of those things that I did when I was your age and I would love for you to enjoy it like I did!  I knew I was going to have to dish out extra patience for you when you tried real roller skates on for the first time because you tend to get very frustrated if you can't learn to do something instantly. I can see that will be something that will challenge you for a long time. So many things come quickly to you, but if it doesn't, you want to explode with frustration. But as I get to know you better, I know that you need a ton of praise and encouragement to build your self confidence. It reminds me of when you started to crawl and then walk, having to be right there to help you yet leave space for you to fall a little bit which will in turn help you to learn better. You thrive on the words, "You're doing it! Good job! I'm proud of you!"
By the way, you rock as a roller skater! I hope we can spend many mornings together roller skating!

Selina, you are incredibly intelligent. You are often deep in thought and you ask many many questions. I'll be honest, it's helpful when your dad is home from work and he can take on some of the answer giving. You are actually a lot like your dad. Which is very funny to me because it makes for some entertaining conversations between you two. You both have a way of arguing a point in a calm, methodical manner. You two tend to believe you are 100% correct on whatever the topic may be and you don't really spend much time telling the other why they may be wrong, instead you try to tell each other why you are right. You don't get all riled up, you don't raise your voice...and you don't give up or give in. That is so not like myself. I will give up or give in on most topics and go make a cup of coffee instead.

One day your dad started asking YOU a whole bunch of questions about the weather and so forth. You kept on answering them but finally said to daddy, "Don't you need to go to work now?"

Then there are times when I see me in you. Not just in the way you try to be just like me, but in the way you can enjoy the simple things of life. How you will stop to smell a flower, stare at the rain falling down the window, color and color and color, enjoy a game of Go Fish, sip on some hot chocolate, get excited to see an airplane flying in the sky, the ripple of water in the creek when we toss stones, leaves blowing off the trees. It melted my heart the other day when we were sitting on the deck watching daddy mow the grass and wondering if he'd finish before the storm got to our house. Just before it started to rain, while the sun poured through the dark clouds, a rainbow made its appearance above our trees and you instantly bowed your head and said, "Thank you Jesus for giving this rainbow for me and my mom to see!"  You bless my heart in so many ways Selina!

A couple weeks ago I was at the end of my rope with Keira. Sweet as she can be, that kid can throw a temper tantrum that makes the earth shake. After a useless attempt to calm her down, I left her in her room to finish her fit and I went to find some chocolate. While I was eating my chocolate and mirrors were shattering, the deafening screams just stopped. Complete silence. Did she burn her vocal cords out? Did she pass out?  I crept to Keira's room to see what was going on. I could hear low soothing talking and intermittent sobs. The low soothing talking was you Selina, perched on Keira's bed next to her reading  one of her favorite stories. Gosh, I can learn so much from you Selina. You knew exactly what to do to help. I could have cried from the gratefulness I felt towards you.

I think you are amazing Selina. I love your gentle soul, I love how you are firm in what you believe and are not easily swayed, I love that you ask challenging questions, I love the appreciation you have for many things. For a 5 year old (oops sorry, 5 and 1/2) you really don't ask for much. You don't beg me for toys, particular clothes, or anything else for that matter. You don't have the "'I want it NOW" attitude which I am truly pleased to see - and it's a good thing because you happen to have parents that are super old fashion and wouldn't give in anyways :)  And if one day you decide you really need a cell phone and daddy and I say "NO", blame your grandparents for teaching us how to say NO.

You are one of a kind. A rare gem. You are strong-willed laced with compassion and understanding. I love you immensely even though sometimes you tell me you don't love me. I know you are trying to strike me back with words, but I'll always have the last say in that which is; I LOVE YOU STILL. I'M GOING TO LOVE YOU ANYWAYS. I"M GOING TO LOVE YOU WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. I am going to love you when you are close to me and I am going to love you when you are far from me. I am going to love you when you start dating that boy I completely disapprove of and when you accidentally back my car into a pole. I'm not going to love you more or less because it can't be measured. I am going to love you unconditionally.

Love from your #1 biggest fan,



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