The grasshopper

Well, it happened again!

I was driving home from the grocery store with Selina with the windows down and the music blaring enjoying this fine, warm, sunny day. Suddenly I hear a "thwack!" sound. I thought, "Oh my goodness, did something just fly into the car?" Then I figured it was Selina in the back seat squeezing the water bottle. So I dismissed the idea a creature flew into the car and reached into a container of caramel popcorn that I had been munching during the trip home for another mouthful of delicious goodness.
As I raised a fistful of sweet caramel popcorn in my mouth I noticed something not right. One of these popcorn's in my hand is not like the other. It has wings. It is green. It has beady eyes.
That's right, I just about ate a grasshopper. A gnarly thing it was! So I screamed, threw the popcorn and grasshopper and immediately  pulled over to the side of the road and got out of the car.
Selina was screaming in the back of the car, "I want to get out!!!" I said to her, "No! You're fine. The grasshopper looks dead and it's in mommy's front seat!"

"It's in my front seat..." I thought to myself again. "How am I going to get it out of the car? Eew! It was in my hands!"  At that thought I felt all squirmy and had to jump up and down while shaking off the feeling of the grasshopper munched between popcorn. Then I quickly thought, "call Ryan...tell him to come get the grasshopper out of the car... NO! That's silly!! Stupid idea. Need to come up with a new idea...hmmmm..."  Then I had another idea, "Just act distressed! Maybe someone will think I am having car troubles and will help me out. They will think I'm crazy and I will tell them I from Canada and they won't know any different and think there truly are no bugs in Canada. Ha! That will work!"
So I began pacing  along the side of the car with my hands on my head and a "what am I going to do!" look written all over my face. Several cars passed by and no one pulled over.

Fine. I will be a big girl and get the grasshopper out myself!

You can do it.

It will be over before you know it.

It's just a little grasshopper.

It's dead.

I think.

Or is it just stunned?

What if it hops?

What if it tries to jump on me??????

I can't do this!

YES I CAN!!

(Selina in the back ground, "It's just little mom! It's cute!)

It's not cute.

I grabbed an empty coffee cup from my garbage and an old flyer. I always feel better when I'm talking to the object so I said to the grasshopper, "Ok little guy. I think you are dead. But you might not be. I am going to put you in this cup and you will go back into nature where you belong. Just stay still. Don't hop. If you even move your little antenna thing, then you will definitely be DEAD. I swear that to you. DEAD. I mean it."  I jumped up and down like a boxer in the ring about to fight, cracked my knuckles, and stretched my neck side to side. I can do this!

I put the cup over the little dude, slid the flyer underneath and quickly threw him into the grass to be with his buddies. Turns out his buddies will need to have a funeral for him. At least he's out of the car.

I don't know if I can ever have my windows down again :(